After 5 months

It’s exactly 5 months after my last post.

Much have happened. More bus rides. Higher nicotine intake. Lesser Mefenamic Acids. More frequent counts of strained eyes and backaches. Less insomnia attacks. Less episodes of The Big Bang Theory and How I Met your Mother. Less book readings. Less and less of griping and crying. Less sad, less problematic.

Changes and changes. And changes. Like weather changes, things get turned upside down. January and February were part cold. March and April were unforgivably hot. And May, May was part generous on its latter weeks and most generous in the last few days.

So life has been like weather changes in these last five months. Things were a little more complicated but things were a lot happier, too. So, as tasks got bigger, life got happier. As life got happier, things get more complicated. It must be a rule. When you’re happier, you see things lighter and easier. Some things turn a little unexpected. More than you expected. But, you still get to smile.

And as I try to find my way through a tough job waiting for me (one I really have to think hard about before I jump in or as I am persistently pushed to jump into), I take these happy times to cheer me up when it gets too hard to think. I take in all these moments to find the best reasons to come to terms with what is asked of me. I take in all of these to give me more of that inspiration to at least try to see myself into actually doing it more than the reason of doing it simply because there was no way I can refuse it anymore.

I would like to want it. I know I must want it as much as I understand that is it needed. I must learn to want it because it would be sad to simply give in.

So this is where it starts. I will try. I will try and I will smile, still.