downtown

Beach Overnight

2011-06-16T18:39:00.000-07:00

Some friends wanted a last go for the beach as June is still a little confused about its being a rainy month. Hehe.

We wanted to try a different beach this time; a place we've never been to. It was part of the beach-scouting we've been doing all our lives. Anyways, I proposed Narvacan and it so happened, all of us have never been to any beach there. It was the perfect choice anyway, since I have a lola there. We can stay in her house, just in case.

We went directly to my Lola's house. We rested a bit and then off we go to the beach. We found a big hut at the back of one of the resorts at Sulvec and we settled there as we considered our options. First, we can sleep at my Lola's house. Two, we can borrow a tent and sleep at the beach.

After considering all the pros and cons we finally decided to sleep at the beach the following night. We wanted to experience how the sand would feel as we doze off. The beach wasn't that spectacular. It wasn't like the white beach of Pagudpud. But, it's still a beach with soft sands waiting for our backs to lie down on them.

We stayed at the beach until 9pm and went back to Lola's for our things. We slept soundly and woke up really early at proceeded to the beach. We rented a cottage at the resort which were still being constructed(We have some complaints about it but I should discuss that in another post).

So, that afternoon, after taking in all of the big waves whole day, we borrowed a tent from another friend and cooked supper early. When the high waves calmed a bit at around 4pm, we jumped at the blue waters again. It really cooled us down!

Knowing, we didn't have electricity or any fixed source of light at the beach, we set up the tent early; right before sunset. What happened before we had dinner, was however, something we didn't expect. It rained! First there were just few drops. They were far and few. And the sky seemed harmless with a few dark clouds. But, just after a few seconds, the droplets turned into a little rainshower. Then, there was a slight hard rain with lightning and thunders.

We were disappointed to our bones. After about an hour or so, a few stars appear in the sky and dark clouds started to move southward. Our eyes were all on the sky. Come on, don't rain now. Let us enjoy the beach. Others said, we can sleep at the beach as planned since it won't rain anymore. Others, like me, were a little dubious and were proposing to just sleep at my lola's.

We really couldn't arrive at any decision at that time. Let's wait a little longer, I said. We wouldn't want to be sleeping at the beach with the rain and all. So, we ate supper and waited for the sky to calm better.

Later, the moon appeared. It was almost 9pm then. Others checked for a little hut near the beach. They said, it was okay to stay there and we can set up the tent at the shaded part. We were all smiles then. Night at the beach. Perfect!

So, off we go to the hut where we first settled and set up our tent at a shaded part just to be sure just in case it would rain again. After some bonfire and some beach stories to cheer us up, we went to bed at 11pm and woke up at around 7am. It was an awesome and truly relaxing sleep for us all!

But, the more amazing it was really to wake up at the beach. The waves sound was louder than usual when we woke up which suggests that the waves were high again. Too bad, it wasn't good for swimming. We really thought, we could go for a little swim again before we set off for home. Anyway, next time again, maybe.

It would be nice to sleep at the beach again and next time, hopefully it won't rain so there would be more hours of stargazing. And maybe, some dancing under the moon. Haha

It should be raining, now!

2011-06-12T23:10:00.000-07:00

The heat is unbearable.

It's June! I mean, it's June! It is supposed to be raining now and everyone should be running in red and green umbrellas. Kids should be out and running and dancing under the rain and enjoying the feel of muddy waters under their feet. People should be worrying now how to keep washed clothes from smelling bad without any sun to dry them. And the trees should be brighter green now as endless raindrops keep them moist for days.

But, after a few days of rain in the first days of June, why should it feel like it's still the middle of summer? The heat is burning my face red and if not only for lack of time, I should want to stay in the shower all day. And it feels weird to be forever carrying a face towel to make sure sweat drops don't fall on my eyes. And I feel like my productivity is dwindling because of the heat. I can't stay long enough outside to do the laundry except at night, when it's a little cooler. Loads of people share one electric fan in the sala so I hardly get a whip of air from the fan. Because I can't stand a minute without the electric fan buzzing in my face,I had to stand once in a while and position myself near the fan to get some badly-needed air. It took me about 20 trips from the computer to the throng of people who are positioned in front of the electric fan before I got to finish this post!

Oh, June! You're a rain month. You're supposed to give us rain now, day after day. It doesn't matter what time it is. It could be in the early morning or evening or any time of the day. Please. Just. Bring. Us. Rain.

After 5 months

2011-05-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

It’s exactly 5 months after my last post.

Much have happened. More bus rides. Higher nicotine intake. Lesser Mefenamic Acids. More frequent counts of strained eyes and backaches. Less insomnia attacks. Less episodes of The Big Bang Theory and How I Met your Mother. Less book readings. Less and less of griping and crying. Less sad, less problematic.

Changes and changes. And changes. Like weather changes, things get turned upside down. January and February were part cold. March and April were unforgivably hot. And May, May was part generous on its latter weeks and most generous in the last few days.

So life has been like weather changes in these last five months. Things were a little more complicated but things were a lot happier, too. So, as tasks got bigger, life got happier. As life got happier, things get more complicated. It must be a rule. When you’re happier, you see things lighter and easier. Some things turn a little unexpected. More than you expected. But, you still get to smile.

And as I try to find my way through a tough job waiting for me (one I really have to think hard about before I jump in or as I am persistently pushed to jump into), I take these happy times to cheer me up when it gets too hard to think. I take in all these moments to find the best reasons to come to terms with what is asked of me. I take in all of these to give me more of that inspiration to at least try to see myself into actually doing it more than the reason of doing it simply because there was no way I can refuse it anymore.

I would like to want it. I know I must want it as much as I understand that is it needed. I must learn to want it because it would be sad to simply give in.

So this is where it starts. I will try. I will try and I will smile, still.

2011

2010-12-29T10:05:00.000-08:00

December 30,2010.

It's my mother's 51st birthday. It is also 2 days before 2011.

Okay, I admit, I am caught in this new year euphoria thing. I can't help it. It's the birth of a a new decade that I have first become fully aware of or rather have chosen to become fully aware of.

I was too young to even consider that something big was going to happen with the start of the 21st century in 2000. And so was in 1990. I was 5 years old then.

But, now, I'm in this age where time seem to matter more. I am in a time where I count the past decade with memories that not only concern personal triumphs and failures but something that encompasses the essence of altruism.

It's a decade of actually being part of something so important, something that goes beyond wanting a great life for myself.

I am a witness to 2011. And while the rest of the world celebrate it just for the kick of it, there are many others like me out there who welcome it with hopes for better lives for everyone.

To 2011, cheers!

Last Christmas of the Decade

2010-12-21T19:11:00.000-08:00

It's the last Christmas of the Decade. But, it seems like 2000 isn't such a long time ago.

It's overwhelming that ten years have passed. Except the fact that it makes me feel a century older, the prospect of a new year also makes me retrospective of what happened in the past 10 years of my life.

In 2000, I remember being in 3rd year highschool and I was dragged in the Y2K glitch that worried the world. I was busy reading Vampire Chronicles and contemplating ways to find Lestat. Haha.

I was in 4th year highschool and was joining too many journalism contests in 2001. I hated Erap's impeachment trial because I missed Fushigi Yuugi episodes due to the live telecast of the trial as much as I hated Erap's corrupt ways.

These first two years were the most I remember before I finally grew up and learned that poverty is real. That people who literally do not have anything to eat really exist and not just the creation of tele-novelas.

The 8 years that followed saw me awakening and embracing the life that should be spent for others. It was not easy at first. Nor is it any easier now but year after year I learned to deal with everything that comes with serving others.

And I wouldn't claim that the life I lived for the past 10 years were that noble to not have erred. There were mistakes. But, I have come out older and wiser.

These past 10 years saw me as a kid struggling to grow up. They saw me as a young adult learning to be an adult. There are things I would have wanted to change. There are things I wish I didn't do and things I wish I would not have said. But, heck, these 10 years made me grow up and become the best person I can be.

So, there's nothing to do but let 2010 take these past 10 years where they belong - to the past. I will pick the memories to comfort me when I most needed them. They're about pains and the struggle. They're about love and heartbreaks. They're about being young and growing up. They're about joys and winnings. They're about happiness and hope.

So, as I take the best out of these 10 years, I look forward to 2011 with greater hopes.

Wide Awake

2010-12-04T08:04:00.000-08:00

Still wide awake.

And it seems like everything's still except for the buzzing of the electric fan.

It's 8 minutes before midnight. It takes toll when all you can think of is sleep. You try to lie down and close your eyes. You try and try. But, for minutes than run into hours, sleep doesn't come.

So, you get up and look for things to do. As you force your eyes to tire out, you come up with poems and essays that are too personal. They say too much.

And when at last, it's near sunrise, you feel it. You sleep while the rest of the world wakes up.
One by one, roommates get up until you are left alone in a large room where you alone lie. So, you get up with only a few hours of sleep and try to do what the rest of the world does.

You keep hoping that sleep comes to you at the appropriate time. That's what you did a few hours ago and still, sleep didn't come.

Pagudpud

2010-12-02T10:58:00.000-08:00

Maybe, I will live in Pagudpud. I will wake up everyday with its blue-green waters and white sand. I will make sandcastles until my back burns. I will take forever walks in its beaches and claim owner of all pink seashells.

Yes, I would love to live in Pagudpud.

Beauty resides there.

Download galore

2010-11-12T04:55:00.000-08:00

These last two nights are definitely sleepless nights. Except for being the perennial insomniac that I am, I really needed to finish paperworks.

The thing is these two sleepless nights gave me three great downloads accomplishments despite slow internet connection which only works quite okay from 12am to 3am.

One, I was able to download a pre-release version of Adobe Photoshop CS5. It's the latest Photoshop edition and promises loads of new features which I haven't had time to check out yet. Though, I'm a bit perplexed why it was named White Rabbit, its flash loader designed with charming and classic burnt yellow texture is one great start to expect really new great stuff in graphics editing.

Two, a Final Draft Scriptwriting software which comes handy since I need to finish a script by the end of the month for a documentary film about tobacco farmers in Ilocos. Hopefully, it will help me to make the work easier since I'm a real newbie in video scriptwriting.

Three, I was able to finally download the latest episode of How I Met Your Mother. I will be watching it later as all the speakers in the office where I have stayed for the past two nights were all not working.

Here's to two sleepless, download-galore nights. Want more. Hehe.

Come, sleep, come.

2010-11-06T07:43:00.001-07:00

I can’t sleep. This isn’t really a new thing because I’ve been kind of insomniac ever since.
But, it does bother me when zits appear. Three zits in my eyebrow line and another one on my left cheek. Tiny ones they are but they still irritate me. I have this bad habit of touching my face every now and then and the fact that I can touch these zits in my face stresses me more than all these several days of nonstop bus rides.

The fact that I still can’t feel any sleepiness at this hour stresses me more. I have an early schedule tomorrow and I need to wake up at 6am for a two-hour travel and I feel like I might not wake up on time. I need to be on time so we can finish early and I can make it to another afternoon schedule which is another 4-hour bus ride.

See? This is what I’m saying. I hardly sleep and there’s a lot of travel which I need to do. Stress seems so regular these past days and I just can’t stand it!

Oh, sleep, come now please.

Not a Morning Person

2010-11-01T03:14:00.000-07:00

I am not a very good morning person. I usually get up from bed with half-opened eyes and let cold water from the kitchen sink do the rest of the work. And when that isn't enough, a cigarette does just right.

So, this morning, when Buds woke me up at past 10:00, it didn't feel so right. I like waking up by myself then get up from bed after asking myself personal things just to make sure I have my sanity intact (I wouldn't want to get up from bed with a nutty head). When she woke me up that I have to get up since we have to go to the cemetery that morning, I had to jump from bed.

With eyes barely opened and hair all over my face, I went straight to the bathroom and pour water on myself.

Just kidding.

But, okay, I didn't have that much time to prepare myself for a morning bath. It was cold and I usually sit for a while and smoke a cigarette (Not that I would be able to do it at home. Rule is, never smoke a cigarette at home. Ever) or drink coffee before I take a bath.

I was actually in a half-asleep state while taking a bath. And when I finished taking a bath, everyone's aboard the car. I only had a few seconds to look at my face in the mirror and make sure there's not a smudge of toothpaste in it.

Anyway, I felt kind of guilty on the way to the cemetery that I should feel so grumpy. So, I tried to smile. The sun did the trick, anyway. It was too hot that when I started to sweat, the sleepiness was gone in no time.

My two sisters and I lighted four blue candles for our dead. I just don't know why my father bought blue candles for Lola Andrea, Lola Sintang, Lolo Quirin and Lola Pacia. Maybe, blue has something to do about remembering. Sad, melodramatic remembering.

But, still, I am not a morning person. And now, it's evening so I'm on a roll!

Halloween Gimmick

2010-10-31T08:43:00.001-07:00

The plan is to give a different twist to this Halloween. The idea came first this morning aboard a mini bus. Just as the bus I rode passed by a dull-painted gate, a guy wearing a Grim’s mask ran to the street, with his hands almost touching the bus and growled at me. Or probably, at all of us.

Lightbulbs flashed. Stars shimmered. Music blared. I can do the same. And maybe, even with a better twist.

Our house is quite oddly placed at a dangerous slope along Maharlika Highway. Accidents happen a lot on that area. It might be the reason people believe that the acacia tree on the other side of the road fronting our house is home to a white lady and a horse with its carriage. It has been quite a time since there was any serious accidents so the tale is no longer that popular.

But, if people will see someone clothed in shimmering white wearing a Grim’s mask, they will start to talk again. Especially, when they’ll see it tomorrow night just as they’re walking home from the cemetery. It's time to scare some people and give this Halloween its rightful Halloween vibe.

Hopefully, this works. All I need are a few conspirators to back me up. Interested? Hehe

Some of some

2010-10-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

Went to Heritage in a bike tonight. Did it passed the arrogant big buses with horns that ring like monsters' growls.

Within 8 slow minutes, I got there at Heritage's, just in time to catch the last of the Halloween parade. The parade closed with an ambulance with a driver who wears a Grim's mask and when it exited at the 4th crossing, onlookers soon attacked the souvenir shops and cameras flashed in all directions as tourists picked their spots. They will surely post those pictures in Facebook and earn everyone's envy because they've been to Vigan's Heritage.

And I biked and biked. I circled the crossings and felt the cobblestones' mini-friction with the bike's wheels. Then I saw my companions turning in my direction; it was the end of my biking moments. In a few seconds, the bike was claimed by its owner.

I left Heritage in heavy footsteps as the bike owner did its usual tricks on the bike. Limping, jumping some inches up the ground.

Then we flagged down a tricycle and went home. It was the Halloween Night of 2010. Some biking, Some parade. Some walking. Some of some.

Less Nocturnal

2010-10-28T22:04:00.001-07:00

I’m on a roll! Since two nights ago, I was able to sleep early. No more of those “I-have-to-wait-until 3-am-to-feel-sleepy” complaints.

Feels great to be able to sleep early and have enough sleep to start another day’s work.

So I’m kissing my goodbyes to all those insomniac nights! Here’s to more of good night sleeps.

I care to remember

2010-10-27T23:01:00.000-07:00

5 minutes, that’s all it took for me to scribble the names of those I voted for the barangay election. The elementary school, BCS, which has been home to different elections ever since I can remember, has its usual buzz of food vendors, onlookers and supporters lined up at the entrance and outside the low concrete walls of the school. There were also those in motorcycles and bicycles scattered in front of the different precincts exchanging stories about days that are better not remembered.

After a BEI inked my forefinger, I readily went outside and was surprised to see more people scattered everywhere; most of them I hardly recognize though they seem to know me. They smiled and waved in weird ways and in turn, made me feel guilty. In my being so away from our place most of the time, I have forgotten a few faces and names.

Buds, the perennial hungry sister of mine, bought some hotdogs and isaw from one of those food vendors before we went home. Just as we were waiting for the food, a guy whose face I instantly recognized to be a former classmate, called me by my name. I was actually embarrassed because I would have wanted to return the greeting by calling him by his first name. But, my mind went black and I settled for a smile and “Hi!” Lame.

So this classmate of mine went on to ask about how things are. I vaguely answered him, cautious that he might find out I don’t have any idea what his name is. I said goodbye just as the vendor handed my sister her hotdog and isaw.

I have forgotten people, not everyone but some of them. And it has made me realized that the people that used to fill my former life has been blurred, if not replaced by new people who occupy the kind of life that I have now, the kind of life that hardly allow me to mingle with the people I used to know, with people in our place.

But, I would want to remember everyone as much I could and piece all the memories, especially when I was still a kid and believed in vampires. I would like to remember each of those faces that graced my life as a kid in gradeschool and as a struggling teenager in highschool. These are the people who might no longer have anything to do with me but they remain, essentially, the people who know me when I was still discovering the world. I care to remember them.

Typhoon Juan

2010-10-22T07:33:00.000-07:00

After a whole day of writing reports regarding the damages of Typhoon Juan in Ilocos, I'm ending this "I-thought-I-will-seat-infront-of-the-computer-forever" moment with this blog post.

I just hope that the storm surges in coastal municipalities of Ilocos Sur and La Union have stopped so that affected families and individuals will recover faster. I also hope the same for agricultural areas wherein damaged crops amount to millions of pesos.

Typhoon Juan is the strongest typhoon to hit the country in four years and hopefully, no other typhoon this strong will ever hit the country again.

So, now it's a rest for my tired, tired eyes.

Flexibility of LGU Offices during disasters

2010-10-20T09:27:00.000-07:00

We've rounded several barangays in three municipalities today in the second district of Ilocos Sur. And from our visits, I can say that: Some people out there in local LGU's are doing their jobs halfheartedly. Apart from Santa, Ilocos Sur, and Candon's Fisheries Bureau, we were not able to talk to anyone from concerned offices of two municipalities who could give us sizable information regarding the extent of damages in their areas of responsibility.

Those from the LGU's should do more than just wait for reports from barangays. They should at least try to arrange ocular visits in their areas of responsibility so that when people ask them about data on damages caused by Typhoon Juan, they won't be giving answers like: "We still do not know. We're still waiting for reports."

Answers like these are lame. They can do more than just wait. Because the faster that they gather data, the faster that they will also be able to provide assistance.

Take for example this one barangay that we visited in Sta. Lucia, they have already reported a totally damaged house; they've been advised to wait for ocular inspection. Surprisingly,we were the first to be there for ocular inspection; none from any LGU office of Sta. Lucia have paid any visit to the barangay since they reported it on October 18. Apparently, the LGU also still do not know that in that same barangay, bananas of at least 100 families have been destroyed and vegetable crops of several families were also damaged.

I just hope that other LGU offices would be more flexible in carrying out their responsibilities during calamities; they would have to leave the comforts of their offices and conduct visits in barangays.

Stubborn Heat

2010-10-16T01:37:00.000-07:00

The sunrays seep through this thin, embroidered cloth that's supposed to be a curtain and dust particles are dancing to an easy air. It's hot. Freaking hot.

The electric fan buzz on a corner, slightly cooling down the place but not enough to keep the sweat from forming on my forehead. It is uncomfortable enough that I have to listen to the endless rattle of the fan blades and with the addition of having to wipe off my face every now then, a severe headache is on its way.

It's "ber" month and it's supposed to be cooler but the pattern obviously no longer apply. No more of the misty air that used to greet nightwalks during this month. One walks and it seem like hard labor. Profuse sweat at a even a minute of light physical activity.

It's 4:33 pm, RP time, yet there's not even a light air to brush the deadliness of afternoon heat. It might rain just like other late afternoons but the heat persists. Stubborn heat, it is.

A shower again later, perhaps.

Bloopers

2010-10-14T06:36:00.000-07:00

I came home to an empty house three hours ago. It was dark and I almost had to crawl upstairs to get the lights on. When I went back downstairs, I saw it all.

Signs of intrusions were very evident. Chicken shits at the garage. Small and scattered. Small and sundried. Not in any way pretty. When I got to the kitchen, ants were laboring on the TV, on a Bench paperbag and on the dusty floor tiles. Some creativity helped to get rid of them.

When I turned the TV on, I went deaf. The volume was at its maximum. Remote control doesn't work and so does the volume button. I had to spend three minutes forcing down the V- button to keep it down.

After a supper of Seafood instant noodles, I decided to start writing. That was 30 minutes ago. The thing is, I forgot my flashdrive which contains my references.

So apart from being alone tonight, I also have to stare blankly at the computer screen, forcing myself to write despite incomplete data. I had to type: ___________________ every now and then. So far, I've written nothing.

I'm going to miss the deadline tomorrow. At least, I'll have the chicken shits to blame it all on. Or maybe the ants.

Haha. Sweet.

Four Flight of Stairs

2010-08-10T23:54:00.000-07:00

This is my tribute to the four flight of stairs which in the past three months have been giving a lot of care as I smoke my lungs out at random moments each day.

There is no peculiarity why I love that particular space. It's a pretty place for sitting. I have a perfect view of the gate's lower part that has these tiny vertical rectangular slots. Through the slots, I get to make out people's arms and feet as they take harsh or hushed walks in front of the gate. Nothing escapes my bespectacled eyes. Staring at people's feet and arms jagged by the rectangular slots is also an inspiration-driven activity that shoots up ideas into my brain. And these ideas are not simply empty philosophies that victimize fellow cigarette smokers; they are also ideas about taking care of turtles, figuring out forgotten passwords, story concepts and better lines of to-do's - personal or otherwise.

There's also a muted staring at the capiz windows fronting our house. I never see them opened and by sitting at the stairs, I am given an excuse to watch those windows discreetly.

So I do not only sit at those stairs to smoke. I sit there to observe life in its perennially overlooked details. It's empty most of the time and it's even considered worthless by my MLM's standards but it calms the mind.

Besides, the stairs are beautiful to look at.

Just Like Before

2010-07-12T05:43:00.001-07:00

Before there were endless conversations.

Before.

And in these days where time has become as precious as saving a life from another gunman out to take another activist life, I see the beauty of those lazy evenings devoted to mere talks which goes philosophical at times.

It is not merely missing them. It is remembering that somehow in this dangerous, wicked world where the good have to run for their lives, I can relive those moments and empty some worried night thoughts.

Memories, I tell you do not necessarily hurt. Memories do warm the heart.

From here, I wish for those conversations. Just like before.

True

2010-07-11T05:26:00.000-07:00

True.

You need not place your ability to let go and move on to anyone else.

Besides, moving on does not mean falling out. It only means, you are finally letting go of the pains of the past and is looking forward to greater and better things.

And if this is not happiness, tell me who killed the electric car.

Haha.

Shortsighted

2010-05-13T10:54:00.000-07:00

Everything went well with the 2010 elections, so claimed a lot of media outfits and others who deemed it beneficial to say so.

Just because results were transmitted faster than it used to, we can already claim it to be a success? So, that's how far an election should just go?

How about integrity and credibility? Does it not matter anymore?

And now that evidences of automated cheating are starting to surface, would these media outfits be so fast in looking into this, too? Or would they rather stand to what they previously claimed?

Isn't it irresponsible to limit the appreciation of the election's success with the supposed "success of the automated system"? Did we actually forget that an election is supposed to be a democratic exercise for the people to choose leaders who are competent enough to serve the public?

Can we not even give this election a deeper scrutiny and look into reports of violence, disenfranchisement and the traditional electoral fraud as reported by certain electoral watchdog and international observers?

Or how about the issue of competent public servants? What can we say about having the Marcoses back in power again? Or GMA supposedly winning by landslide in Pampanga's 2nd Congressional District?

It is shortsighted to proclaim this elections as successful simply because of the speedy transmission of results - and of which by now is also proven wrong since many precinct count results are still to be transmitted, thanks to "minor glitches" claimed by the COMELEC and SMARTMATIC.

Media deception

2010-04-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

Media sure has its way of influencing the public. And when the media is being used to deceive people, the public right to know is reduced to nothing. This elections, this became more evident.

I've been exchanging posts with a Facebook user these past days and how he defends Noynoy Aquino, even to the extent of parroting the latter's excuses regarding the Hacienda Luisita massacre and the Cojuangco family's Supreme Court's defiance to distribute the lands to the farmers.

And all the basis of his arguments which he claims to be the whole truth are simply those that came from news all over ABS-CBN, which is clearly bias of Noynoy.

It is sad when a media outfit which is supposed to be in the service of the Filipino people make use of itself to bolster the candidacy of a person they're rooting for - someone who has blood in his hands, someone who has never had the heart for the farmers who comprise 75% of the population.

But, I am hopeful that more Filipinos are more critical what they see on the news. Yep, I trust in the intelligence of the masa.

Attitude Problem

2010-04-19T08:08:00.000-07:00

See, it will come to this point.

Angry? Think it's so cool when people around you cringe? Think you're better off than anyone else you have nothing in mind but to boast your to do's? As if you're the only thing in this world who does all the work.

Now, what happened?

No one sees it fun to be with you. That is why no one bothers. So scream. Curse. And one day, you might find yourself alone.

Some attitude, huh.

Sanity Breaks

2010-04-10T10:05:00.000-07:00

Sanity breaks, I used to call them. Insomnia started the whole thing. At odd hours, I'd nag my housemates to take walks and most of the time, we would find ourselves at the best hang out in Vigan, which is at Herigate Village. We would walk Vigan streets, with cigarette smokes filling our lungs and balut to make up for hours of walking.

Heritage with its cobblestone streets and cozy streetlights saw us in many night and midnight walks. And how hard we laughed at things as we let the hours slip by peeping at antique stores and wooden statues.

Stories were endless and our laughter were the only thing that filled Heritage's silent streets.

And then, things got busier. We moved to different places, only seeing each other when time permits. Those night and midnight walks became less frequent.

Tonight, we revisited Heritage. And much has changed. At least, for the better. But, despite it all, the stories remain endless. But, with so much to do, we can't afford that much time to hang out together.

At ten p.m., it was time to go. Ah, all things change and in those changes, the bond only gets stronger no matter how less we get to see each other.

For one, we share the same struggles. And these are more than enough reasons to keep coming back. Heritage Village to me will always be best place for sanity breaks.

No More Reasons

2010-04-08T06:04:00.000-07:00

Changes happen and at times, they happen fast.

It did take a while and I thought it will go on. Until I was slapped with the fact that I've already run out of reasons.

I tried to grasp for reasons for it was the only consolation I can have out of it. But, it is not right to expect that all things can turn out or that I can always force it to turn out good.

It is out of my control and finally, I live with it. There are no more reasons except for the reasons to go on.

It was forced. And nothing is left except a bit of respect for what it was. And that's all it's ever gonna be unless that, too, is lost.

And I hope it won't be because things will just run too ugly if that happens. And I don't want it - as much as possible. But, then, it's out of my control.

I am only human.

Tired

2010-04-05T08:43:00.000-07:00

I'm tired.

Really tired.

I think it was because I was forced to send 15 messages in about 4 hours. Just imagine how I exhausted all my patience and body flexibility to manage to search for my network's signal just to send all those messages.

I could have walked for hours and still not not feel this tired.

Technology has began to burn me out. Well, in some ways. Naks, biglang bawi. hehe

Worried

2010-04-03T10:04:00.001-07:00

I spent the whole day making worried phone calls and sending of messages, and when I finally convinced myself that the best thing I can do is to just settle for what it already is – all tomorrow’s work, I tried to keep my mind off all the worries. They were alright, I was assured.

Though, I was feeling kind of guilty for being too far to be on an immediate rescue, there was nothing I can do. No ride was available to get to anywhere at the time I received their message. And walking is not an option, not when this place reeks of bloodshed with only a handshake and P3,000 to settle it.

So, to keep my mind off the worries, I joined in the drinking spree.
I had 7 shots and of course, it’s nothing compared to what my sister had to get herself drunk. The catch? We have to put up with four hours of her nonstop blabbing. Good thing, she's finally had it after an hour of sleep. And it doesn't really make any difference, drunk or not, she seems louder by the minute. Hehe.

Nah, it’s already 12:38 and I still couldn’t sleep. I don’t know if it’s the heat or it’s just because I’m worried.

Maybe, it’s both. Either way, I’ll leave as early as I can tomorrow.

Things may not be alright but at least I’ll be there. Assurance is a big thing. I hope we can all work for it.

Come sleep. Come.

Chill

2010-03-31T05:03:00.000-07:00

This sure is my space and if I chose to I could have probably continued to post it but I opted to delete it. Probably, it's because I still have some little respect for whatever it was that we had.

And there is no way that I am going to allow myself to lose my cool and do something harsh just because I received messages which angered me.

Just as long as I will no longer be dragged into something that no longer concerns me and that I won't be accused of doing something I will never do, then I can probably forget it ever happened.

I am counting that nothing of this sort will ever happen again.

Chill. Just chill.

End of story?

2010-03-17T23:54:00.000-07:00

These past few days, I've been trying to finish a short story. And I just couldn't. Or maybe, it could be that I just don't know how to end it.

And I think it is because these past few days, my attempts have been lacking the color, if not the perpetual angst of someone who has been thrown into a great opportunity of witnessing how the most ordinary of our people are battered in endless sh*t. Forgive the language.

When I started this story, I was thinking of having it published in Liwayway that has particular liking to old-school you-and-me against the world love stories, letter-writing and showbiz tsismis. Forgive the morbid attempt but the cash prize isn't something you can easily dismiss when you're in need.

And now, there's a stronger urge of deleting this 10-page short story attempt than let it rot in some hundred kilobyte-space on my flash drive.

It isn't like I'm the kind of writer who dress up her whole short story with eardrum-breaking profanities to give it the spunk of oppression or anything similar to that. It is just that I feel like putting out the brakes on my words and just play it like those physically-aggressive basketball players do when they’re in court – most especially when there are cameras around for them to show off their power, or anything that imitates that. Not that I’m out to hurt anyone, physically or verbally.

When you’re in a time where there’s so much to write, you can only lose your temper. And that’s probably why I can't muster the guts to finish this story; somehow, I feel that it doesn't have the temper of reality; it doesn't have any of those “right in the action, right in the moment” plot.

Ah, I should probably just delete it.

Power Shortage? Give me a Break.

2010-03-09T03:38:00.000-08:00

The rotating brownouts has finally caught us up.

It's like every other day, every establishment in Laoag City is roaring with power generators.

What I don't get is the fact there's some power shortage that should largely affect the provinces of Ilocos. After all, there's the Bauang Private Power Corporation located in Bauang, La Union which only run its machines when it sees fitting, este, it only operates once a week for only a few hours. And that's true even to this date.

So, this power shortage largely puzzles me. Is there really power shortage or is it because it's the year 2010 and most of those Build-Operate-Transfer contracts of power plants are expected to expire this year? Could it be that the this is one way for the power plants to pressure the government to extend/renew contracts so they can continue earning millions by the hour?

It's a question which has been at the back of my mind. What could it be, really? Will the guilty ones please stand up?

(S)Trike Encounter

2010-03-06T03:26:00.000-08:00

Manong Drayber sure know Anakpawis Partylist. When I handed out a brochure with a picture of the late Cong. Crispin Beltran, he said: "Daytoy diay natay idi niya nga Congressman?".

"Wen manong, isu. Saan yon to lipatan nga ibotos, a? Iraman yonto met lattan a botosan ni Satur Ocampo ken Liza Masa."

"Wen, ibotos ko ida, nalalaing da dagitoy. Aktibista da."

"Wen Manong. Ikampanya yonto metten kadagiti dadduma pay a kaddua yo nga drayber."

"Wen ading, san ka madanagan."

So, I rode another tricycle again with a smile plastered on my face. It isn't the first time that I usually encounter people who have a lot of great things to say about Anakpawis Partylist, Satur Ocampo and Liza Maza. Ka Bel's deep love for his country and his honest and sincere public service are only few of the things that he is best remembered for. It warms my heart that the people I have decided to support and campaign for have really earned the respect and recognition of the people, especially the ordinary. It is hard in this game of dirty politics but when you have the support of the ordinary people, then it becomes easier.

Very few of those running for the May 2010 elections are like Liza, Satur and Anakpawis. We sure need to use our heads before we do any "ballot-shading" come election time.

Think. Think. Think.

Pampu II

2010-03-04T02:08:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, we bought Pampu his very first leash at Robinson's so we can tie him up whenever we leave the house. He has this tendency of slipping out of the gate when no one's around. There's a small space on the lower part of the gate where he usually squeezes himself out.

There are of course other factors why we decided it would be better to tie him up.
Pampu has this unusual habit of shitting anywhere on the garage, especially on parts where we're most likely to step on them, so we decided we might be able to contain his shitting on a particular garage corner, the safest for all of us. And since he can't help chewing on things, like slippers, papers, electric cords, including certain body parts (i.e. toes, hands, ankles, soles) we thought we can help him become more disciplined and train him to act a little more - civilized.

With all these things in mind, we thought that we should tie him up the whole night so we can start training him. At first, he cried so we let him loose several times until we got tired of his whining, we let him sleep without tying him up.

This morning,we tied him up to keep him from the streets. At first, there were his usual whining which we tried to ignore. Then, suddenly, he got quiet. That made us smile. We thought, he's gotten used to it after trying it out several times last night.

But, when I took the stairs to get my coffee, there he was right at the foot of the stair! He was looking at me on the eye, seemingly with a smirk on his face to show off his chewed leash! He was able to chew that in more or less 30 minutes!

I was quite surprised that he was able to chew that in such a short time. I should be checking those teeth sometime, they must work like razors. Though I was a little annoyed about what he did with his newly-brought leash, I must admit that I'm quite happy he's a clever dog. And maybe, tying him up wasn't such a good idea, after all.

Yup, tying him up with a cheap leash won't do. Chains, maybe. Hehe.

Nanay Ngiti

2010-03-02T20:55:00.000-08:00

I first bought candies and a few sticks of Marlboro when I first met her about a month ago. Her small stall placed in the western-front corner of the provincial capitol park looks pitiful. Not only her box of candies and packs of junk food are in display, so are her loads of clothes (if they are used or laundried, that I can't tell)and blankets.

I thought, she's too old to be on the streets. When you're old you must have some place to go home to and loved ones to take care of you. She doesn't have any of that though she claims to have a lot of friends. Probably, that's the reason why she still manages to smile.

That's why I call her Nanay Ngiti. We have been having light conversations whenever I buy candies from her stall, ranging from politics to her personal life. The thing is, she speaks good English and Tagalog. And maybe, later, I'll found out more.

Somehow, in this world where everything seems so lacking and so frustrating, sometimes, I can't help but become truly sad about people like her who are on the streets.

I've tried to offer her some place where she can stay but she's hesitant because she also needs to earn a living and right at that park, she can do that.

What I've been doing just now is try to buy stuff from her stall instead of buying from someone else. That's probably a small thing but if there's anyone who should be helping her out more, that ought to be that place who owns the park where she sells. It's the job of people out there to help her and her likes.

Pampu

2010-03-02T01:33:00.000-08:00

First, he tried to eat my fifty-peso bill. Then he took my keys, ran into a corner and kept on chewing them and would have probably eaten all of it if I wasn't able to find him on time and snatch the keys away.

And just a few hours ago? He vomitted right in my supplies box! Of all places where he could have done it, he found it sweeter to vomit on my stuff! Just imagine how my stuff stinks and how much patience I have mustered so I would not throw him away.

He doesn't look cute, no. Though one housemate claims he is. He is far from it. He chews on everything and since three days ago, he has been aiming to destroy my things. He probably hates me.

I did try to love him. And tried to like him. I decided that I can love his brown eyes and brown hair. I decided that if he would act nicely, I can probably look after him and make sure he doesn't fall on the stairs again (thanks to a housemate who chase him to the stairs).

But, just now, I'm having second thoughts. He still has to prove himself before he can earn my love, or at least my favor.

And, oh, for now, he's not welcome anywhere near my stuff. Not within a kilometer, at least. Hmp.

Dogs.

Dream On

2010-03-01T03:24:00.000-08:00

It's all complicated. This city life. Why? Traffic drives me crazy. Not that it's heavy in this semi-city, semi-rural place I'm living in right now but when I'm rushing and I need something to buy, it makes me irritable.

Sure, there's already this technology called online shopping that has revolutionize the way for buying stuff from the most basic to the most luxurious with just a few clicks. No sweat. No fares needed.

But, of course, it's a dream. No one out here in this town offers that. Not even that big mall offers it.

Of course, I can only dream about buying stuff online. I have this particular tendency to want to do things the easiest and fastest way like buying the things I need. Hehe.

How about buying my favorite food or drinks with just a few clicks then, there'd be a knock on the door within just a few minutes.

That should be heaven. There'll be a time that I'll be able to do that and I'll be ShopWiki's most consistent customer. Oh, well, dream on ranix. Hehe

Great Day

2010-02-18T22:15:00.000-08:00

They say, it’s best to start the day early. And I say to do that, one needs a good sleep.

And that sure is what happened today. Finally, after weeks of feeling sleep-deprived, I got my 7-hour sleep and it felt great waking up this morning.

Cut out the fact that I bought a damaged flash drive and I can say it has been really a great day.

And one thing that really rocks? I forgot to take my lunch but I was offered sandwiches later in the day and was exempted in spending another 60 pesos for lunch.

I finally found a way how to spend less. I should be congratulating myself for that even if it’s only a mere sixty pesos. Great things come from small things, right?

If my sister gets to read this, I can almost imagine her reaction: “Magbayad ka na, nakakapagtipid ka na pala.”

Great day, really.

Two Scenes on Valentine's Eve

2010-02-14T23:05:00.000-08:00

Last night was an interesting mixture of a heartbreak story and unsisterly acts.

Heavy night, you might say.

Scene 1:

I don't know if it was a good thing but while all my neighbors must probably have been outside their house, snooping on the minutes of eardrum-breaking profanities of two girls, I chose to stare at the laptop screen while debating if I should look it up or continue editing a brochure layout.

So I stared hard and waited for them to shut up. It didn't for a long time. Not until after almost an hour. Yup, it was that long. There sure is a lot of hate between those two girls.

And then E arrived. By then, everything was very quiet.

And suddenly, out of nowhere, there were shrieks again. E, a self-confessed snoop, ran down the stairs and opened the gate with a bang. She ran back the stairs minutes later to tell me that she joined the rest of the our neighbors who were watching two sisters trying to kill each other. And she added that I was probably the only person in that area who wasn't there. That was probably her indirect way of telling me I missed some important news.

According to E, one sister has her whole dress ripped in parts, thanks to her drunk sister. So you might just have a picture now of what they actually did to each other to get to that point.

Scene 2:

Out of nicotine need, I and E decided to walk all the way to a midnight store somewhere near the highway. It was some 10 minutes walk. Being a phone addict that she is, she kept on talking to someone on the phone all the way to the store. With everything being so quiet, except for some slight interruption from tricycles and dogs, I felt like an intruder. Well, it wasn't intended, I was hearing everything she was saying on the phone and it seemed like she wasn't so interested in keeping her voice down.

When the call ended, she started to share her heartbreak, which I've already guessed earlier, thanks to my unintentional eavesdropping. The thing is, there was no Valentine's date for her. Her boyfriend of recent months suddenly found himself falling for someone else and of all days, he had to say it right at that day, right on Valentine's Day. Sweet.

Ah, life. Sometimes, Valentine's Day has to be so cruel.

Better Days

2010-02-12T02:25:00.000-08:00

It's not that this whole day was completely "badtrip". I started today really great, though I woke up early with just a few hours of sleep. I spent almost the whole afternoon with people who were really very nice.

It's just that I learned something and I got pissed off. There are people who avoid being caught up in a complicated situation. I know that feeling. But what I don't get is when people make excuses so they won't have to be there when it happens. And the more that I don't understand why people who should be more responsible will tolerate such attitude instead of encouraging the person to bravely face whatever are those circumstances and to try all his might to help out.

Now, I'm more pissed off. So, I'm just going to cut it right there and probably just watch TV or play Farm Frenzy.

Or maybe I'm just a little worried because I lost my cellphone yesterday and totally lost contact with some people I should be texting right now.

I'll have better days.

thirty-minute break

2010-02-09T21:16:00.001-08:00

After several days of hardly ever having healthy conversations with some people, I finally took a full six-hour sleep last night. I woke up early to a great morning, never mind that it was forced since my cellphone's time is about two hours early.

I was able to wash the dishes with not much of a hurry and I managed to send messages that were not "business as usual" hoping I could cheer up the people I might have dragged into my monotonous self these past days.

Good thing last night, I was able to catch a good thirty minutes of inactivity at Robinson's while waiting for someone. I was able to relax a bit, think through things and realized that things were actually going great. Targets were met except for some slight changes but we managed. So in that mall lobby, I kissed goodbye any negative thoughts and smiled like I was just treated to a Coke float.

So, after all, 30 minutes are all I needed to rid of all those negative thoughts. And, except for reminding me how penniless I am, at least that mall has other things to remind me of: chill, ranix. chill.

Shattered Ego

2010-02-05T02:08:00.000-08:00

The other night I saw how easily a person can drive another person to become violent. Or maybe, it is love that does that.

Either way, I came so close to losing my cool but maintained it and tried to make everyone calm. It was short of dressing myself up as a clown complete with the overboard lipstick and silly dance. But, should my attempt at trying to be funny in my words did not work, I might have tried that.

It was a good thing that after more than two hours, it became clear to everyone that walking, about three kilometers was better than getting ourselves worked up at the kitchen smoking our lungs out. That was one and a pack of Marlboro gone in two and half hours. Imagine how high our nicotine levels must have been at that time.

So we walked and laughed and talked about silly things. We took pictures at the bridge until my cellphone’s battery went dead. We walked until someone reminded us of the curfew time.

After finishing our empanada and C2, we headed back home at around 1am. Our feet ached and we were so sleepy, we went straight to bed when we arrived.

There were lessons learned that night. Hearts were broken and feelings were hurt. Maybe, it was more than about feelings; an ego was also shattered to pieces, in his own territory. Insults and threats were uttered. But, in the end, everyone managed to cool down afterwards. We all slept with clearer heads.

Hopefully, those lessons will remain; especially for that one person who broke one’s heart and ego. Oh, well, just as he puts it: “Magba-valentine’s pa naman.”

Of Tylenol and Forgetfulness

2010-02-02T03:52:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'm going to blame it to days of not having enough sleep. That and a one-year Tylenol medication.

Haha.

I lost my flash drive again. This must be like the fourth time I lost a flash drive.

Grabe. Grrr.

That flash drive contained stuff that are really important such as poems, short stories (of which I've just wrote recently)layout designs and reports. Out of rush, I forgot to put in my purse and when I realized I wasn't able to, it was too late; the flash drive was gone and so are all the personal files I have in it.

Of course, a workmate pointed out to me that there's nothing new about me losing stuff because of my absent-mindedness. Thanks to a one-year addiction to Tylenol. I've taken these medicines because of my migraine and though I already stopped taking them, the side effects would have to account for my frequent absent-mindedness. Stubbornness did. I already knew that Tylenol is already banned because of its side effects, I still took it.

It's crazy really because since yesterday, I've been like: "I need to finish a report. But, no, the files I needed were all in my flash drive.", "I'm going to upload pictures in my Facebook account, but, wait, I can't. Those were all in my lost flash drive."

Everything I need to do seems like to depend upon that lost flash drive. Ah, technology!

But, still, ranting about it on this blog wouldn't help in anyway. I've lost the flash drive and that means, I have to start all over again. And starting all over again means more sleepless days. And more sleepless days means becoming more forgetful.

Argh, I just hope, I won't forget my name despite the busy schedule. If that happens, that'll be more than I can handle.

Haha.

Blinding lights

2010-01-29T23:12:00.000-08:00

Full realization came slow but I got here alright. I got blinded by city lights just like everyone else and then I figured that they don't necessarily help you see things right. Sometimes, they just give you the feeling that you do. And better yet, they make hanging out late night more inviting.

So, it's true. In the city, things take shape and break. Sometimes, too easily. Things happen too fast and it takes brave hearts to stand by what is right. Choices are hard to make and yet harder to live with. There you go. You have piled up ironies of things you want, you wish for and you struggle for. It is a reality that while things can start from scratch, they can also fade away.

And in this city of blinding lights, of crowded and dangerous streets, you need to take hold of time and opportunities. Because, even if things usually end and simply turn out of your control, there are things that you can keep if you chose to.

Come with me downtown. Let's make things happen. Some things are for keeps.